


What Helps Us Sleep At Night

by The_Trashy_Fangirl



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bucky needs a hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of PTSD, Mentions of War, Natasha is Natasha, Steve is a nerd, Stucky - Freeform, mentions of stony, minor Stony, minor clintasha, natasha romanov - Freeform, tony is a butt, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-12 18:35:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7117834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Trashy_Fangirl/pseuds/The_Trashy_Fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A modern A.U. in which Bucky is forced to go to a support group aimed at those who have been through traumatic experiences during war. He is really dreading going until he meets Steve. Instantly, Bucky is taken aback by his glorious looks and doesn't know how to function. He finds himself coming back every Saturday just to see Steve.</p><p>As the two grow closer, Bucky finds himself falling in love with Steve even more and is thrilled to think that the feelings are mutual. However, there is still stuff that Bucky doesn't know about Steve and that lack of knowledge comes back to bite him later on. He wants to be with Steve more than anything but there's so much getting the way that Bucky feels it would be better for both of them if he just gave up. </p><p>In other words: Bucky and Steve are war vets who fall in love and want to be happy but there is angst that tries to prevent that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

~CHAPTER ONE~

"This is ridiculous." Bucky grumbled from the passenger seat of his friend's black Mercedes.

"Your therapist ordered you to go so you are going and I am making sure you do. This is supposed to be helpful." Natasha said from the driver's seat, her orange hair flying in the wind emanating from the open window. Yet another reason Bucky didn't want to go, it was hot as hell outside in late June. The last thing the brunette wanted for his Saturday was to be inside some stuffy building with ten other people.

"I doubt it." He grumbled. "Everything that old geezer suggests only makes me more stressed. It's been almost five years and I still can't sleep at night. Nothing he does helps." 

Natasha rolled her eyes at her friends' stubbornness. "Just go with it. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Crippling social anxiety, possible heat stroke, and the loss of a perfectly good afternoon." Was he being a little too stubborn? Possibly but, he really didn't want to go.

They pulled up to the plain white building in no time. The front was almost completely shaded by bright green trees with only a small path cleared for a set of cement steps leading up to an open blue door. Bucky sighed in anguish but willed his body to exit the vehicle anyways. Leaving the grown man with nothing but dust from her car, Natasha pulled out of the mostly empty parking lot. Bucky was alone and heavily considering making a run for it. 

"Ah! Are you here for the meeting?" A rather chipper looking round man said from the building's doorway. Bucky just nodded before roughly being handed a flyer. "Goody! You should head inside to the gym. Most members are already there. We have cookies!"

'As if cookies would improve my mood' Bucky scoffed but headed into the building, leaving the man in the doorway.

About ten chairs were arranged in a circle in the middle of the room. A few people milled about the large space, most huddled around snack tables and coffee pots. Some chatted effortlessly with others but Bucky could spot a few who just stood staring off into the distance. It creeped him out even though he understood why they were feeling that way. Bucky decided to take a seat not really having an interest in coffee or cookies. At least this way he would have some time to think before the session began.

Or so he thought.

It was then that an angel walked in. The man wasn't literally an angel of course but he came damn close to one. Golden hair perfectly combed and styled, blue eyes glimmering like stars, and a built body. His whole exterior radiated solider, as if he had just stepped off the plane that morning. Bucky felt his heart speed up and immediately looked away, deciding to study one of the posters on the wall. He didn't want to be spotted staring after all. However, Bucky continued to secretly watch the man out of the corner of his eye. He seemed to be chatting aimlessly among the members and was steadily drawing up a group.

'Fuck' Bucky cursed in his mind. He was already nervous as it was but now with this demigod in his presence, the brunette couldn't think straight. 'Dear God help me not make a fool of myself.'

Suddenly, something clasped around Bucky's shoulder, jarring him from his prayer and making him jump sky high. He spun around in an instant and laid eyes upon the blonde angel. The brunette's face lit up like a fire as he gazed at the man's concerned expression.

"Oh, sorry." the man apologized, holding up his hands quickly, a bit of a laugh in his tone. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. You just looked so alone over here and I wanted to introduce myself."

Bucky deflated a little, regaining his cool. "It's fine, no harm done. I was just lost in thought is all. Um...hi."

The man smiled kindly and Bucky heated back up. "Hello. Do you mind if I sit next to you?" The brunette nodded and the man pulled the metal chair back before being seated on it. He was about to say more until the therapist walked in and signaled everyone to take a seat. Bucky was severely distraught to find out that the therapist had turned out to be the overly cheery man from the doorway.

This was going to be a very long day. 

They went through introductions of which Bucky greatly despised. He noted a few names of people who had caught his curiosity. Sam, an African American man who had served in the Air force for six years and Clint who had served in the army as an ammunition specialist for eight full years. Then there was Mr. Perfect. Bucky had closely noted that his name was Steve Rogers and was a squad leader as well as a captain in the army. He had served for twelve years, most of which were spent deployed, before retiring. Steve had enjoyed being in the military but didn't like the affects war had on him. Not that anyone did. 

Then came Bucky's turn. He stood hesitantly and cleared his throat, trying to clear his mind to actually speak coherent words. "My name is James Barnes but you can call me Bucky. I served the army for ten years before..." he paused trying to contain the memories and emotions that rushed back to him. "before my arm was blown off in battle and I was forced to retire." He sat down, maybe a little too quickly, and crossed his legs nervously. 

"Thank you, James." Bucky winced at his real name. "Were you given a prosthetic arm?" The therapist asked glancing towards both his arms, spotting how both looked to be intact.

The brunette nodded and clenched his prosthetic fist. "I was given a fully functioning metal prosthetic that the surgeons were able to successfully bind to my nerve endings. I can move and use my arm as if it were the real thing."

"Impressive." Steve gasped beside him, making Bucky give him a confused look. The therapist moved on before either one could say something.

The rest of the time was spent doing stupid exercises that would supposedly get everyone comfortable around each other. Bucky wasn't feeling that connection with anyone but Steve and that was mostly due to the amount of effort he was putting into always staying around the tall blonde. Thankfully, Steve didn't seem to catch onto Bucky's intentions or he at least didn't express if he had. 

The session came to an end almost two hours after it had started. Bucky was exhausted. The amount of physical effort required to deal with people, even people who had been through similar events as he, was always taxing. He just wanted Nat to hurry up and rescue him. Luckily, the brunette had exited the building before Steve had a chance to talk to him again. Sure Bucky wanted to talk with Steve as well but he feared he might do something reckless if he was given the opportunity. 

So he stood outside the building and briskly texted Natasha. She was deciding not to answer. Bucky figured that she was driving to pick him up right now, it wasn't likely but it at least calmed his nerves. The brunette sighed in frustration. He hated being so edgy. During the war, he wasn't this way, wasn't jumpy or nervous about every little thing. In his youth, Bucky was confident, sometimes too confident. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind and was a bit too reckless which was perfect for combat. Bucky supposed he had acquired these traits of being skittish once the adrenaline that came with combat had worn off. He was constantly on the lookout for something bad, a non-existent bomb hidden in the sidewalks, an airplane that could come crashing down from the sky at any moment. The brunette was always looking out for someone, he didn't know who. There was always someone he felt like he should be protecting but wasn't. It was unbearable at times.

"Hey, Bucky!" A voice called snapping him from his torturous thoughts. He looked over and saw Steve walking towards him with a big glorious grin on his face. Bucky waved. "Do you have a ride?"

"Yeah, a friend of mine is picking me up. The one who forced me to do this stupid thing." The brunette glared at the therapist as if his insult towards the event would faze the man ten feet away.

Steve chuckled, a glorious sound. "You don't like this sort of thing?"

Bucky shook his head. "I hate people and I hate therapy. I'd much rather go home and do something productive like video games."

Another chuckled but this time it was closer to a laugh. "Same although I'd rather be sketching. That is way more therapeutic than this whole shenanigan."

It was Bucky's turn to smile. "Glad i'm no the only one."

"Are you going to come next week?"

"Maybe. Knowing Nat, I'll be forced to go." Bucky sighed again but his eyes lit up when he spotted Natasha's car coming around the corner. Relief flooded through him and the red tint on his cheeks faded just a little. "That's my ride, i'll catch you later."

He vaguely noticed Steve give a not so enthusiastic wave. The blonde seemed sad or maybe disappointed. With just that one side glance back at Steve, Bucky decided he would most indefinably come back next week. He couldn't leave Steve alone, that's all he knew. Not to mention that he definitely wanted to get closer to the blonde. Something connected them but Bucky hadn't figured it out yet and the thought slipped away as he closed the door to the black Mercedes.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bucky's bad night turns into a good one

~Chapter Two~

"I'm off." Bucky said as he hung up his apron and slipped out the back door. The rain was pouring down steadily outside the shop and the brunette had forgotten an umbrella. He was actually grateful for the rain as it banished the hellish heat from the world be it only for a short while. Although, he didn't particularly like getting wet especially with his hair being as long as it was. 

With his now drenched uniform still on, Bucky made his way to the supermarket to buy groceries. Despite being in an already terrible mood, he knew that if he woke up tomorrow with no food it would only increase his dread. 

It was five o'clock on Saturday night. The Saturday that was supposed to be occupied with his therapy group session. But no, one of his coworkers just had to have a wife possibly giving birth sometime that week. That meant Bucky had to cover his shift and miss out on seeing the demigod Steve. Not that he had the man's every feature etched into his memory or anything.

Bucky pulled out his list and grabbed a basket, finally inside the supermarket. It was a simple list but the items happened to be spread all over the store. Good job past self. He groaned and grudgingly walked over to the produce.

"Bucky?" a voice called from behind the brunette.

He spun around. There, in all his glory stood Steve dressed in a black jacket and form fitting jeans. The blonde grinned happily and came trotting over once he had confirmed that it was in fact Bucky. Bucky too felt himself smile. This day was taking a rather pleasant turn.

"Where were you today?" Steve asked, his blue eyes pouting slightly in the most manly way possible.

"I'm sorry. I would have come, honestly, but work held me up." Bucky said with honest guilt, choosing to look at a piece of broccoli.

It was then that Steve noticed the brunette's uniform and his features lit up like a Christmas tree. "You work at that art store!?"

Bucky wasn't sure if that was a question or a statement as he followed Steve's outstretched finger to the label on the uniform. All Bucky could do was nod.

"That's so cool! They sell so much quality art supplies that is really hard to find at other stores. I've been trying to get a job there for months! How did you do it?" Steve's eyes were wide and sparkling, making Bucky a little uncomfortable. The blonde's sudden new attitude had thrown him off. Seeing Steve look so excited was just so damn cute that Bucky couldn't help but burst into flames.

"A...a...ah, I guess I just got lucky." Bucky chuckled nervously and Steve seemed to realize he was making the other man uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I just get really excited about silly things like that. Drawing is my passion." he stepped back a little and Bucky frowned.

"No your good. It's kind of cute."

The words escaped before he could stop them. Steve stared at Bucky as his eyes widened, cheeks blazing. He cleared his throat and looked away trying to come up with something to say to get rid of his embarrassment.

"Hey, I just realized. Your all wet. Did you walk in the rain?" Steve asked seemingly unfazed by what Bucky just said.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I forgot my umbrella and I don't own a car. It's no big deal though. I'll live. It's just water, I mean." The brunette rambled and Steve chuckled.

"I could give you a ride if you want. It wont be out of the way or anything, the night is still young."

Bucky pondered this. Being with Steve in a tight enclosed space or walking in the wet and cold. He didn't ponder too long. "Yeah that would be great. You're a life saver."

Steve smiled and for the rest of the time he followed Bucky around the store as the brunette gathered his items. Although he was embarrassed, Bucky was able to sort of relax and found the dreaded trip to be quite enjoyable now that Steve was with him.

After they paid and got their bags, Bucky followed Steve to his car which turned out to be a blue truck. 'A big man with a big car.' Bucky thought to himself. 'I wonder what else is big.' The brunette was thrown into a coughing fit from how sudden and inappropriate a thought like that was at the moment. It caught Steve's attention but Bucky got himself under control quickly before the other could worry too much. 

They pulled out of the parking lot, Bucky squishing himself against the door with his legs crossed and eyes glued to the window. He couldn't tell if Steve had caught onto his mental panicking or not, the man was really hard to read underneath all that glorious presentation. Bucky was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he was actually in Steve's car and wasn't beet red. Sure he was still awkward and embarrassed because of the blonde's presence but he had managed to shield his emotions from surfacing. One thing that was surfacing however was Bucky's hunger. He hadn't eaten since breakfast.

"Hey, do you maybe want to get something to eat? I don't mind paying." Bucky suggested biting his lip nervously. He saw Steve smile.

"Sure that sounds good but I have one condition," Steve glanced at the brunette. "I pay for everything and you can pick the place."

"Huh? You don't have to pay. I'm the one who suggested it."

Steve chuckled. "I won't go if I don't pay for everything."

Bucky sighed in irritation but decided to give up. "Why are you so perfect?"

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" The brunette cried relieved that Steve hadn't heard him. At least, that's what he thought anyways.

Bucky suggested going to a nearby diner and Steve made the short trek there. The place was small but brightly lit with good smells surrounding it. It was also very cheap despite the quality food. He didn't want to pick something expensive but wanted Steve to enjoy the food as well. The diner was the perfect place. They took their seats quickly, Bucky sitting opposite Steve, and scanned the menus.

"Wow, all of this looks really good!" Steve said in approval. Bucky smiled softly. Soon enough, the waitress came and took their orders before leaving the two alone. 

"So," Steve started. "I wanted to ask you more about your time in war. I mean, I know it's hard to talk about, believe me I know, but i'm really curious because I was also in combat so maybe we could help each other out." He rambled refusing to make eye contact. Bucky picked at invisible lint on his uniform. 

"Well, there's not much to talk about. I passed training with flying colors and recklessly signed up for combat. Front lines too. My first deployment went by just fine, well, as fine as any deployment could be. It was my third deployment where I lost my arm. Fell from a cliff surprisingly enough. They thought I was dead for a while until a scouting platoon found me half alive. An infection had taken up in my arm and would have killed me had they not chopped the sucker off." Bucky wrapped his arms around himself, lost in memories. "My squad leader had chosen for me to be fitted with a prosthetic that was still in testing. I didn't really care what happened to me at that point and agreed to it. I was the first person to successfully bind with the prosthetic. I actually went back into service for a while but, the emotional damage had already taken over and I couldn't perform duties right. They sent me home with orders for about two years of physical therapy and a life's worth of actual therapy. And here I am."

Steve was quiet for a moment and Bucky was afraid he had scared the man even though he couldn't figure out how. It wasn't until he whispered his name that Bucky realized Steve was crying. The sight completely shocked the brunette as he tried to get Steve to stop crying by apologizing and incoherently stuttering. After a few minutes of Bucky panicking, the blonde chuckled and wiped his eyes. 

"I'm sorry." he said. "That was just...for anyone to have to live through that is...amazing."

Bucky blushed and didn't know how to respond. Luckily he didn't have to as the waitress came back with their food. Bucky was mentally cursing himself as they ate. The air around the two men had become heavy and the brunette couldn't stop fidgeting. He had ruined the mood and made it all depressing and sappy. Way to go, Buck. Just when you thought that you could be friends with this guy, you go and fuck things up with your tragic ass back story.

"Hey Bucky," Steve said suddenly. "Can I have your phone number?"

"Ah...eh...why?" Bucky stuttered, his hand automatically flying to his pocket.

Steve smiled kindly. "Well, we are friends aren't we?" It was a lame excuse.

"Y-yeah of course. Um, sure here." Bucky handed Steve his phone with the number displayed on the screen. He was relieved that the mood was suddenly clearer and relaxed slightly. Steve handed back his phone and a second later Bucky got a text of a simple 'Hi' with a winking emoji. He laughed out loud and glanced at Steve. "Really? An emoji?"

Steve blushed. "I tend to use those a lot, haha. It's not annoying is it? I can stop."

"No, no. It's cu...cool. It's cool, I don't mind." Bucky stopped himself from saying 'cute' just in time.

Steve paid for both of their meals as he planned and drove Bucky home. They both waved goodbye outside of the brunette's apartment before Steve drove off. Never had Bucky squealed like a girl but he found himself doing a sort of victory dance once he was inside. God could he be even more of a girl? He was a soldier yet here he was jumping up and down in joy about an unofficial date with the angel. Pathetic.

After the long day he had had, Bucky decided to just call it a night despite it being almost seven. He was dead tired after having to be nice to literally everyone he encountered. Except for Steve. He had truly felt happy when he was hanging out with the blonde. Bucky crashed onto his bed, not bothering to change or take a shower or anything. He just wanted to sleep.

It wasn't until two in the morning that he realized sleep would not come. He had been up this whole time shivering in a curled up ball. Not that it was Steve's fault but forcing Bucky to relive those awful memories was haunting him. Granted, Bucky had told him willingly and was now suffering the consequences of it. The memories had resurfaced to the front of his mind and he couldn't get them to go away. The only reassurance he had in this nightmare was the fact that he didn't have to work the next day.

Bucky grabbed his phone and opted for playing stupid games in a sad attempt to calm himself. It didn't work as well as he hoped. He needed to actually talk to someone, anyone, and be comforted. It wasn't until he heard the calling tone that Bucky realized he had actually called someone. His automatic go to was Natasha so that's who he figured he called.

"Hello?"

The voice seemed loud in the quiet room as Bucky's blood turned cold. He gripped the phone tightly. "Uh...hi, it's me Steve. Sorry, I didn't mean to call you. Did I wake you?"

"No, I was already up. What's wrong? Are you okay, Bucky?" Steve asked, concern lacing his words. Did Bucky really sound that helpless?

"Uh...uh," the brunette sighed and ran a hand through his tangled locks. "No. No i'm not."

"You want to talk about it?"

Bucky bit his lip. "I'm sorry. It's just nightmares. I meant to call Nat."

The other side was silent for a moment and Bucky just listened to Steve's breathing. "Same."

"What?"

"I'm always up with nightmares too." Steve's voice sounded tight. "There hasn't been a night without them unless i'm drunk. Heh, I guess it's normal for having been through war."

"I guess but it still sucks." Bucky sighed and rolled onto his back, blue eyes staring at the blank ceiling. "It's like i'm always tense. I can't relax."

Steve hummed. "Yeah. I don't even know how to relax. There are a few things that quell the tension but it never works long enough for me to sleep. It's like there's still someone I need to protect but, I don't know who or how. That's what really keeps me up. I feel restless and guilty for no reason."

"I know what you mean." 

They moved off the topic of war and instead made easy conversation about random stuff. Bucky learned that Steve worked at a small coffee shop. The idea of a big buff Steve Rogers in a tight black apron filled the brunette's mind and he burst out laughing. Steve had scolded him for that. In turn, Bucky told Steve about how he moved from Brooklyn to New York city because he was out of work for a while and didn't want to keep staying with his mom and younger sister. He found work easier in the city.

"Are you asleep Buck?" Steve asked around four a.m.

Bucky just hummed, a sound that Steve couldn't tell the meaning of. The brunette's eyes were closed as he delved into the warmth of Steve's voice. Bucky wasn't quite sure what they were talking about so he just hummed a vague 'yes' and 'no' occasionally, sometimes changing the pitch of it to show interest. Steve was quiet for a long while and Bucky feared he had hung up just before he too drifted off but when he woke up the next day, the call was still going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:
> 
> This one was longer, yay! Bucky is a dork and Steve is a nerd. As if you didn't know that already.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3 
> 
> ~LAS~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourth of July fireworks bring barbecues and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of rushed the editing on this one. Sorry.

~Chapter 3~

Bucky and Steve fall into a routine pretty quickly. During the week days, Steve would invite Bucky out for lunch or dinner depending on the other's schedule. They would talk for long hours each night over the phone, not ending the call until one of them wakes up. Saturdays quickly become Bucky's favorite day of the week and even Natasha catches onto his good mood. She teases him about Steve every time she drops him off and picks him up, making the brunette regret having told her about the other man. Despite his feelings, which have only grown, Bucky starts to feel comfort in the blonde's presence and becomes more at ease around him.

It was now July and everyone at the support group was chatting eagerly about their plans for the fourth. Most conversed happily about picnics and barbecues but there was an overlying atmosphere of fear. Everyone knew the trauma that came with fourth of July fireworks. Bucky in particular was worried about this year because work was keeping him in New York which meant staying in his apartment ten floors up. For normal people, it would be a great place to view the multitudes of colorful exploding light. In Bucky's case however, it meant he could hear them better, which was the main problem. Normally Bucky would go home to Brooklyn to his mom's house and basically hide in the basement while eating his mom's famous beans. He would have to endure it this year with no help.

He never had to deal with this on his own before.

After the session ended, Bucky walked up to Steve who was putting up his chair. "What are you doing on tomorrow?" he asked the taller man, referring to the fourth.

"Hosting a cookout with a few friends for lunch but nothing big. I'm going to be home for most of it. " Steve said walking outside with the brunette at his side.

"Mm. I think i'll be home too. Normally, I would go see my mom and sister but I have to work that morning. We sell a whole bunch of fourth of July decorations for most of the day and close around noon. I can't make the trek to my mom's house by then." Bucky sighed, annoyed.

"Do you want to come to the barbecue? You can bring Natasha along too. I'm going to be cooking most of the time but there are a lot of nice people there and I could always use a sou chef." Steve smiled down at the brunette.

Bucky thought about it for a moment, a very short moment, and agreed. "Although i'm not much of a cook besides cereal. I make a mean Cheerios."

Steve was still laughing when Natasha pulled up. "See you tomorrow." he waved, tears still in his eyes.

Bucky smiled and got into the car. "Yeah, see you." 

The drive to Bucky's apartment was once again filled with criticism and questioning all revolving around Steve. 

"So Steve invited us to a cookout tomorrow." the brunette told Nat suddenly to make her shut up.

"Really?! We have to go. You have to go. I can't go, i'm going somewhere with my boyfriend which is great because Steve can give you a ride then." Natasha rambled.

Bucky glared at her. "Why is it that you can make fun of my friends but I can't make fun of Clint?"

"Because I will kill you if you do, that's why." She said with only a hint of malice.

***Time Skip***

Tomorrow came way too slowly for Bucky's liking. Work was long and surprisingly busy as people bought stuff to spice up their afternoon celebrations. He didn't get back until one which was pretty late considering the party at Steve's house started around noon. Steve was still happy to pick him up but Bucky couldn't help but feel guilty for making him leave his own party. 

Once home, Bucky changed into jeans and a light blue t-shirt with a loose black button up shirt over it, finding it more flattering to leave it unbuttoned. He combed his hair but it still remained disheveled looking. Steve arrived soon after and Bucky happily rushed down the stairs. 

"Hey Buck." Steve greeted fondly as the brunette slipped into his truck. "You ready for some good food and people who have no idea what personal space is?"

Bucky chuckled. "As ready as i'll ever be. Sorry I made you leave. Heh, you smell like barbecue smoke."

"No it's all good. Sam, the guy from the support group, wanted a turn cooking anyways." 

"How many people are there?"

"About ten not counting you or me. There were supposed to be more but a few couldn't make it." Steve said, his voice growing a little tight. "But the bunch that are there are lively enough. Especially Wade. Stay as far away from him as you can."

Bucky chuckled again. "Is he that bad?"

"He wasn't originally invited, that's for sure, but he is my friends' boyfriend so I tolerate it. Wade can just be a little...eccentric and very dirty at times." Steve laughed.

"Dully noted."

Steve turned down a neighborhood and it was then that Bucky realized he had never seen or been to the other man's house. It made him nervous but it was likely that he wouldn't even go inside considering that the party was probably being held outside. He figured that Steve was cleanly type and winced at how messy his own apartment was.

He could smell the food before they got there. Most houses had grills going out front and the street was almost full of cars parked next to the sidewalk. What impressed Bucky the most was that these weren't small houses. The house were all two stories with probably three or more bedrooms. Bucky only had one bedroom. 

Steve pulled up to a blue house and Bucky caught a glimpse of everyone who was outside. The yard was pretty cramped. 

"Come help me at the grill. I could use someone to put buns on the hamburgers." Steve said as he got out of the truck.

Bucky didn't get to answer as Steve was almost immediately bombarded by people. The brunette got out of the car and entered the yard, scanning the space. A flash of orange hair caught Bucky's eye suddenly and he stilled for a moment in surprise before walking over to it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bucky asked as he approached Natasha who was conversing with Clint, a red cup in her hands.

"Bucky?" She asked in surprise. "What are you doing here?!"

"This is Steve's party."

"Oh! Well, Clint invited me." she said and looked over at Steve. "So that's the famous Steve you were going on and on about. I hadn't got to meet him earlier so I didn't know."

"Nat!"

"He is quite a looker. Not my type but still. He'd be good for you."

"Stop talking like that!" Bucky growled, face heating up. "We're just friends."

Natasha laughed, the sound loud and short. "Just like me and Clint. It's so painfully obvious that you want to get in his pants. Well more accurately, him into your pants."

Bucky burned. "I don't know you. I'm leaving." He could hear Natasha laughing a mile away.

He scanned the yard as he made his way towards the grill. It was pretty lively, as Steve said. Natasha was chatting everyone up, Clint never too far behind her. He recognized Sam immediately and gave a quick wave in his direction. A tall muscular man with long blonde hair seemed to be dragging another man clad in green with long black hair around the yard to talk to people. Then there was a bald man with scars all over him laughing it up with a few people. Bucky noticed the man's hand laced with another man's who was slightly shorter with styled brown hair. He didn't seem to pay the loud bald man any mind as he chatted quietly with a guy slightly older in age wearing glasses. 

Without getting mauled, Bucky found his way over to Steve who had started putting meat on the grill despite there already being a good two plates full of hamburgers and hot dogs. The brunette got to work setting out buns and cutting up vegetables without a word. Many people came over to him asking about how he met Steve and making small talk. They also talked with Steve a lot. Bucky couldn't help but listen intently, hoping to discreetly get to know the blonde better.

"It sucks that Tony couldn't be here." The burly blonde man said to Steve. Behind him stood the ravenette who had been dragged along. He looked kind of out of place, Bucky observed.

"Ah well, he had to go work. There was a promotion show for his new product in California so he couldn't miss it considering that he was the star. He should be back Tuesday night." Steve said. Bucky didn't miss the tightness in his voice.

"Well at least we have you to grill. Your burgers are out of this world." the man praised.

"Oh hey, have you met Bucky yet?" Steve asked, obviously trying to change the subject. Bucky looked up from where he was cutting tomatoes.

"No I have not. I am Thor and this is my brother Loki." he introduced and Bucky waved a hello. Before they could say anything more, the bald man came over with his arm slung across the shoulders of the brunette he was holding hands with earlier.

"Steve! I have to get your recipe for these chimichangas! You made them yourself right?" the bald man cried.

Steve smiled and nodded. "Just for you, Wade."

Wade squealed and turned to the younger man under his arm. "Stevie loves me." The younger man laughed and pulled him away from the grill muttering something about eating all the chimichangas. Bucky laughed quietly.

"That's Wade, the bald one." Steve said coming over to Bucky with meat and vegetable kabobs. "And the guy he was practically hanging off of was his boyfriend Peter. Peter does a good job of containing Wade's wild nature." he laughed.

"Makes sense. He did seem really calm."

"You'd be surprised. Those two share the same humor and energy but it seems to balance them out." Steve said.

The next few hours were spent with introductions, loud laughter, and lots of food. Bucky hadn't had so much good food in his whole life. Steve really was an excellent cook. Faster than Bucky would have liked, the sun started to set and it was time to leave before the fireworks came. Everyone said goodbye and Bucky hitched a ride from Natasha. Not before helping Steve clean up that is. Steve had protested the extra help but was actually very grateful for it. 

"Will you be okay?" Steve asked as Bucky tied up a trash bag. He knew the blonde was referring to the fireworks that were already starting to sound in the distance.

"Yeah." Bucky lied. Steve gave him a concerned look.

"Well call me if you need anything." he said and wished the shorter man goodnight. 

***Time Skip***

Bucky got home around six just as the light show was beginning. He knew sleeping would not come at all that night so he dragged a blanket from his room and put on some lame sitcom he didn't know why he owned. The 100 episodes should get him through the night. They wouldn't help with the sounds but it would give him something else to focus on at least. In the past, Bucky would buy ear plugs but they never really worked as well as he had hoped so he stopped buying them. 

The pops were slow going at first but once it hit 7:00, they were almost non-stop. Bucky flinched at each one but kept focusing on the show. Knowing his luck, Bucky's neighbors were outside constructing their own show. The colors illuminated the living room and the sounds filled the air. Bucky put his head on his knees trying desperately to control his breathing as memories of guns and bombs filled his thoughts. However, every time one popped in the air, Bucky flinched and lost control of his breathing. He was shaking, curled up on the couch with no where to go and no one to help him.

Then he remembered Steve. He could call him. Steve could help him. Bucky shook his head. No, he didn't want to bother the poor man who was probably dealing with the same thing too. His shoulder was hurting, the one attached to the prosthetic. It never stopped hurting but Bucky was able to forget the subtle pain most of the time. Except now the pain seemed to be amplified every memory that came back. 

Bucky just couldn't stop shaking. If he were at his mom's house, his younger sister would sit in the basement with him and they would watch crappy movies, making stupid voice overs that would have the other doubling over in laughter. The sounds of fireworks were always muffled by the basement walls but they still made him flinch. It was never this bad though. Bucky always had someone to get through the night with, whether it be his sister or mother. He wasn't used to doing this on his own.

The brunette stared down at his phone, Steve's number on the screen. His thumb hovered over the call button. He had debated calling Nat but, she would be out partying by now. She always went out on nights like this, finding it better to drown her worries in alcohol. Nat wasn't an alcoholic by any means but she sometimes drank just to get through one night or two, mostly around the holidays when memories of war were the strongest. The room suddenly lit up red followed by a loud pop that made Bucky jump to his feet, adrenaline and fear running through his veins. The shrill ring of his phone filled the room immediately after which only amplified the fear making Bucky yelp.

"Bucky?" A voice asked when the brunette answered.

"S-Steve?" Bucky sat back down, staring intently at the window for another attack.

"Hey, are you alright?" Steve asked in a surprisingly calm voice.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something but another firework went off along with some sparklers. The brunette whimpered and bit his lip trying to sound brave. "Y-yeah. I'm alright. It's just close by. I'll be fine. Are you alright?"

Steve didn't reply for a moment and Bucky could hear the hitch in his breath when a pop echoed in the back ground followed by the sound of cheering kids. "Don't lie to me, Buck."

The brunette didn't know what to say to that. The reply was filled with so much concern that he couldn't help but feel guilty. "I'm scared, Steve." Bucky admitted, his voice shaking and almost unrecognizable as he buried his head in his knees.

"It's okay." Steve said. The other line was filled with a bunch of shuffling suddenly. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Hang on."

"W-what?" Bucky asked, panicking. "You don't have to do that. Steve, listen to me. Don't do that. I'll be fine."

"No. I'm coming over and you can't stop me. I'll sit in the hall if I have to. I know how it feels to be alone and scared, your mind filled with awful memories of the past. You can't get through that alone." Steve said sternly, the sound of a car door slamming jarring the air.

Bucky chuckled sadly. "I do it every night."

"Buck." Steve murmured and didn't speak for a moment. "What's your apartment number?"

"103."

Neither of them wanted to hang up which allowed Bucky to listen to the other man's breathing and shuffling. It was oddly comforting. There was a knock on the door not five minutes later. Bucky gave a weak call stating that the door was unlocked. Steve let himself in and immediately searched for the brunette. When he did find him curled up on the couch, he enveloped the shorter man in strong arms and the smell of mint mixed with remaining barbecue smoke. Steve buried his face in Bucky's neck as the brunette's eyes widened from surprise. 

"It's alright." Steve whispered as Bucky trembled. His metal arm was hurting even more now.

"Hurts." Bucky murmured into Steve's shoulder and the blonde immediately pulled away.

"Where? Your arm?" Concern laced his words and Bucky nodded. "Can I see?"

The brunette shuddered as a distant shot fired through the air. He was scared for a different reason now, of what Steve might think of his arm. Of all the scars. Bucky knew Steve wanted to help but he just couldn't gather enough courage to show him.

Steve saw the panic in the brunette's blue eyes and instead wrapped his arms around the shorter man again, pulling Bucky towards himself. He felt Bucky tense automatically at the contact but he slowly relaxed, resting his head on Steve's shoulder. The blonde gently rubbed Bucky's side, being careful to avoid the arm unless the brunette said otherwise. The last thing Steve wanted was to make him uncomfortable. 

Bucky relaxed slowly, jumping slightly when a firework sounded but he wasn't nearly as jumpy now that he had company. When that happened Steve would talk Bucky's nerves away, chatting aimlessly about work or his dogs or his family, anything that would quell the shorter man's fear. It worked. The deep thrum of Steve's voice being heard both in the air and through his chest helped calm the brunette immensely. Despite Steve's attempt at looking brave, Bucky could hear the hitch in his breath, the slight alteration in tone, and the tight grip that he held on Bucky's side to know that the taller man was scared as well.

It was around three that Steve knew the fireworks were done for sure. He sat up slowly from where he was laying on the couch, Bucky resting on his chest. The brunette looked up at the blonde in confusion but soon realized that he probably wanted to leave now. With that in mind, he stood and turned off the television in order to allow Steve an out.

"Um, thanks for being here. You can go if you want, i'll be okay now that they're done." Bucky looked at the floor.

Steve took Bucky's hand, making him look up in confusion. "What? I just thought it would be more comfortable to cuddle in the bed than on the tiny couch. Come on."

Bucky was grateful for the darkness because his face lit up like a fire at the mention of 'cuddling'. He let himself be dragged to the bedroom by Steve, still surprised that the blonde wanted to stay. More importantly, he wanted to stay with Bucky. Not sleep on the couch or the floor but actually in bed, together. The brunette had never witnessed someone so kind.

Steve paid no mind to the amount of stuff strewn on the floor of the bedroom and instead just climbed into the small bed, moving over just enough so that the brunette could lie next to him. Bucky's face was a dark crimson about now as he laid on his back a little too stiffly. He didn't know what to do and his heart wouldn't beat quietly enough to let him think. Luckily, he didn't have to do anything. Steve slung an around Bucky's form and gently laid his head on the brunette's chest. Bucky could feel his own heart racing in his ears and feared that Steve could hear it too, although the blonde didn't seem to mind in the least. After a minute, Bucky relaxed and wrapped an arm around Steve before closing his eyes.

It was the first night Bucky didn't have nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff makes the world go round


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff?

~Chapter Four~

Bucky woke to the smell of pancakes like he was in a damn sitcom. For a moment, he was so utterly confused by the smell and sizzling that he though it was a dream. The brunette didn't even own pancake mix. It took him a moment to remember what had happened last night but once he did, Bucky found that he couldn't move. He had actually slept with Steve. Not sex but actual sleep. Some how that fact made him even more embarrassed. Steve had even slept on Bucky. 

The brunette covered his face with his hands, feeling a mix of emotions run through him. This was not happening. Steve was here. He had stayed the night after comforting Bucky and now he was in the kitchen cooking breakfast. What movie had Bucky fallen into?

After a minute of mental preparation, Bucky got up and wandered out of the room. His appearance was heavily disheveled with chocolate hair tangled and sticking up in several places and his clothes wrinkled, not that Bucky cared to iron them anyways. Steve on the other hand seemed to be freshly showered and clean, blonde hair combed and blue eyes sparkling. He was currently mixing a bowl filled with a white substance Bucky figured was pancake mix. Already on the stove were scrambled eggs and crisping bacon. The brunette scoffed at the sight. Who the hell gets up at the ass crack of dawn and cooks food? Steve apparently. Bucky should have figured that Steve was the house wife type.

"Morning." Steve hummed, finally noticing the brunette when he turned to the sad excuse of a fridge for some milk. Was this even Bucky's kitchen?

"Uh, morning." Bucky peered over Steve's shoulder. "Where did you get all this?"

Steve chuckled and poured some mix into a pan. Bucky didn't know he owned so many pans. "I went out to buy some earlier."

"Jesus, you really are a house wife."

"What was that?" Steve turned to him with an amused glance.

"Nothing." Bucky muttered as he watched the mixture bubble and turn a golden brown in the pan when Steve flipped it.

"Here try some." Steve pulled off a piece of a still warm pancake from the stack on the counter. He held the piece up to the brunette who ate it in one bite, not even fazed by the fact that Steve just fed him. His mouth was instantly flooded with cinnamon and blueberry fluffiness. Steve laughed at his expression. "I take it you like it?"

Bucky nodded quickly. "You never told me you could cook so well."

"Ah, well there aren't a lot of people who eat my cooking." the tightness was back and Bucky nit his eyebrows together in confusion.

"Are you okay?" Bucky touched the other's arm gently and Steve blinked down at him, his eyes unreadable.

"Yeah. Of course. The foods done if you want a plate. I'll bring you one in a second." the blonde smiled. Although he was still concerned, Bucky nodded and wandered into the small living room. He didn't own a table since he usually just ate on the couch. 

Bucky winced when he saw all the movies splayed everywhere and the tangled up video game remotes. His coffee table had a few coffee rings that had been neglected to be cleaned and the couch was thoroughly worn. He never had people over besides Natasha and she usually didn't mind the mess, having been fed up with telling the brunette to clean it every time she came over. 

While Steve was busy in the kitchen, Bucky quickly shoved the mess into the tv stand cabinets. His leg bounced nervously as he waited for Steve, his mind running amuck. What was Steve going to do now? Was he mad at Bucky? Why did he even bother to come over? Does this change anything? 

Steve appeared a moment later and stared at Bucky in concern. The brunette was staring at the window, his head being held up by his non-metal arm and his leg was bouncing uncontrollably. Despite the concern, Steve found the sight oddly cute. With a smirk, Steve quietly set the plates down onto the coffee table and went over the brunette. He gently placed a hand on the metal shoulder. Bucky jumped slightly at the contact and stared at the blonde.

"Your overthinking again." Steve said with a kind smile. "What's wrong?"

Bucky blushed and looked at his lap. "It's nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Buck."

There was a sigh before the brunette spoke again. "It's just... why did you come over?"

Steve deflated a little having expected something worse. "You were scared and alone. I couldn't just ignore that. Not to mention, I wanted company too so it wasn't a completely selfless act."

Bucky stared at him, blue eyes full of confusion. "But why?"

"We're friends aren't we?" Steve smiled kindly at the brunette. Bucky felt himself frown for some reason. He felt almost disappointed

"Yeah, of course." the brunette murmured and smiled slightly.

After breakfast, Bucky convinced Steve to let him do the dishes without the blonde's help. Steve had done so much already, coming over and then cooking breakfast, so Bucky wanted to do something as well. Steve decided to look around the apartment for a while, having gotten permission first of course. Since he had come over in the dark, Steve wasn't able to fully take in the small space. Bucky's place consisted of one bedroom that was an organized mess, a bathroom, a decent living room lined on one side with a lot of bright windows, and of course the kitchen. It was all surprisingly clean given that the brunette lived alone.

When Bucky emerged from the kitchen, Steve was looking through one of the windows. 

"You have an incredible view from here." The blonde breathed. "Next time I come over, i'm going to have to bring my art supplies."

Bucky chuckled and smiled to himself, happy that Steve was looking forward to coming over again. He silently made a promise to make that a reality. 

"Hey, um, I have some errands to run today. Do you want to tag along?" 

Steve flashed a grin. "That sounds perfect!"

The brunette nodded and grabbed a notebook off of the counter. "It's early but we can go now. You probably want to go change anyways."

The two took Steve's truck back to his house where the blonde quickly changed and packed a small bag. Bucky didn't question the accessory and instead kept reviewing the list of tasks he needed to complete. He honestly never planned on going out today, figuring that he would take the day to sleep. But with Steve present, Bucky had almost slept through the night. He blushed, remembering the warmth of Steve pressed against him and how comforting it was. Bucky wanted that feeling burned into his mind. It's not like he would get another opportunity like that again. He was almost upset that he hadn't paid more attention to the feeling of Steve more. At the time, all his thoughts were filled with the loud pop of fireworks and fearing when another would come. 

"You okay, Buck? Your face is red. Are you too warm?" Steve asked as he hopped into the driver's side of the truck.

"No. Just thinking." he shifted in his seat and looked down at the list, making sure to let his overgrown hair cover his face. "Let's head downtown. I have to pick up a package and then buy a few groceries."

Steve nodded and pulled out of the driveway.

By the time noon crept up on the two, both of the soldiers had their arms full of bags and a few boxes. Bucky felt guilty for having Steve come along but the blonde seemed perfectly happy just being with the other man. 

The brunette heaved a sigh once he crossed off the last thing on the list. They were standing next to Steve's truck which was now loaded with various items, not all belonging to the brunette. The two had taken a few detours to some art shops and video stores. Bucky had quickly caught onto Steve's obsession with eighties movies. They ended up purchasing a copy of Ghost Busters, all Back to the Future movies, and the Breakfast Club. It was after Steve had bought them that he told Bucky they were for him since the blonde already owned them. Steve had rattled on about how many classics the brunette didn't own and should. 

"We should get some food." Bucky said while stretching out his sore limbs. Steve nodded, quietly watching the other man. He grabbed his backpack and started down the crowded sidewalk next to Bucky. "Where do you want to eat?"

"Mm, I'm in the mood for hot dogs." Steve said glancing down at Bucky who nodded at the request.

They found a nice street cart that Steve apparently visited often. The vendor didn't even need to ask what type of hot dog the blonde wanted before starting to make it. Bucky ordered a simple chili dog and soda.

"So Buck," Steve started as they walked along the sidewalk, hands full with wrapped hot dogs and fries. "what is it you do for fun?"

Bucky seemed surprised by the sudden question and thought about it for a moment. "Karaoke. It seems stupid but, it's pretty entertaining when your with other people who are also making complete fools of themselves. The alcohol helps loosen up the nerves and from then on it's just hilarious." the brunette grinned. "Other than that, I watch a lot of t.v. I go to the bar a lot more than I like to admit."

Steve seemed concerned. "Do you hook up a lot then?"

The brunette gave a dry laughed. "Not really. Sometimes but, it's always a one time thing. I usually just go to hang out with people. It's a nice place to meet others who frankly don't give a damn and will be your friend for a few hours."

Steve's concern only grew. "That's so lonely."

Bucky shrugged and stole a fry from the taller man. "I don't make a lot of friends. I'm not good at being one frankly, since i'm so messed up in the head. No one understands me." the brunette laughed sadly, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't like being the center of attention.

"Well you have me now. You can come to me whenever you want." Steve offered a small smile. Bucky blushed and nodded. 

They walked into a park, settling in the soft grass as they ate and rested their tired feet. Bucky laid down and closed his eyes once he finished his hot dog and half of Steve's fries. The sun was bright and warm on his face. He liked how peaceful it was. Steve was quiet beside him, the only sound coming from him ruffling around in his bag at one point. Pencil against paper filled Bucky's ears and he realized that Steve had grabbed his sketchbook. The brunette had vaguely wondered what the other was drawing but figured it was the scenery of the park considering how nice the day was.

Bucky didn't know how long they stayed like that, Steve quietly sketching and Bucky letting the sun warm his face as he laid in the grass. He didn't stir until he felt something smooth brush across his lips. The brunette flinched and opened his eyes to see Steve leaning over him, one hand outstretched towards him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. There was chili on your chin." Steve said.

Bucky sat up and yawned, blinking against the bright sun as he tried to hide his blush. "I wasn't sleeping. Just resting. Thanks, I guess." his lips buzzed.

Steve smiled and Bucky asked, "What're you drawing?"

The blonde visibly stiffened and looked away. "Ah, just the trees a-and the...uh, kids playing and...stuff. Nice day isn't it?"

Bucky raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Can I see?"

"I-i'm not done yet. It's just a rough sketch, no shading or anything. Just random lines and shapes." Steve coughed.

"Well, promise to show me when you're done." Bucky smiled at Steve who's cheeks were noticeably red. He decided to let it drop.

They ended the day back at Bucky's apartment. Steve was putting a movie into the dvd player while Bucky made popcorn in the kitchen. He came back to the sound of Ghost Busters. 

"Seriously?"

"What? I like this movie." Steve said as they plopped onto the couch. Bucky laughed and put the popcorn bowl between them. Immediately, Steve took the bowl and put it in his lap. The brunette frowned but didn't argue as he grabbed a buttery handful.

Half way through the movie, Bucky felt his eyelids droop. His head was leaning against something firm before he could process it. He didn't move though, despite how uncomfortable the so called pillow was. The brunette was moved gently onto something softer to which he sighed happily and relaxed more. Gentle hands ran through his hair, combing the strands back and being careful to avoid any tangles. Bucky still hadn't fully processed that he was laying in Steve's lap and letting the taller man lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a shitty chapter. Sorry about that. I was going for fluff and failed but at least the chapter is out. The next one will be more plot focused.

**Author's Note:**

> Notes:
> 
> It's summer and i'm bored. My mind and notebooks are filled with unfinished projects and ideas for fanfiction. Since Civil War has come out, I have realized just how deep into Stucky I have become (Spideypool too because of the Deadpool movie). And so, I made a Stucky fic :3
> 
> Warning: This fic contains Stony but it's not exactly major ((Believe me I hate Stony)) but, it works with the plot sooo. Don't worry it doesn't last long.
> 
> Here's to being able to finish a fanfic for once! (((At least I hope)))


End file.
